启示录21:4 “神要擦去他们一切的眼泪。不再有死亡，也不再有悲哀，哭号，疼痛，因为以前的事都过去了。”

这是一篇难于下笔的回忆！

可怜的妈妈进出医院无数次，每一次我都祈求神医治她，有时她会说她宁愿死去而被我痛责，回家后就很伤心及后悔而流泪，第二天跟她道歉，她也原谅了我。

主内姐妹有一次跟我说，在圣经中死亡也可以说是医治：

启示录21:4 “神要擦去他们一切的眼泪。不再有死亡，也不再有悲哀，哭号，疼痛，因为以前的事都过去了。”

她还告诉我说如我不舍得放手，神不会接她返天家的，直到我的心准备好了而放手，祈求神的旨意行在妈妈的身上如同在天上，而不是我自己的旨意。

妈妈最后一次入院，有时清醒有时昏迷，还生了褥疮，每天清洗。我每天看她都会唱那首她喜爱的‘如鹿切慕溪水’给她听，这首歌是我俩都喜爱的歌，以前在家时她会弹奏此曲而我跟着哼。

有一晚我对神说‘我将我的妈妈交托给祢了，请祢医治她吧！不要再让她受那么多的苦了！’。

当医生告诉我们妈妈会随时离开尘世的时候，我们守候在她的床边，实在太累的时候就躺在外面的沙发瞌一下子。直到凌晨3点她的心电图慢慢下降，我跟她说的最后一句话是‘妈妈，再见了！’她张开眼睛看了我一眼后，就与世长辞了！

“I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone…” 1Timothy 2:1

A sister in Christ handed me a copy of the ‘Prayer Surfers’, Oh Boy! It was really difficult for me to realize that prayer is the most difficult task to undertake.

Subsequently, ‘Prayer Surfers’ was added to my quiet time according to the dates printed.  I began to pray with the feeling of rejoicing and excitement because I know that I am not alone praying but there are many children of God praying for the same commitments too.

In the beginning, I started with reading out from the pages and closing with an Amen.  Actually, the ‘Prayer Surfers’ is a very useful guide for Christians to learn how to pray.

After a couple of weeks praying for the different countries and the groups of unreached people I started to close my eyes and pray.  One night as I was praying for a particular country, I suddenly saw a ray of bright light from above reaching down to earth and the earth looked like when you are looking down from the window of an aeroplane.  It was such a beautiful and glorious sight that inspired me to pray continuously for nations and unreached people groups.  As I related this vision to the said sister, she too was excited.  I have not seen the vision since then.

Recently, I had another wonderful visions, I saw a bright hand of grace reaching down to the people beneath the earth.  There were multiple small little hands stretching out to the sky above trying to reach for the Hand of Grace. It is what the Lord will do when we pray, we do our parts and He will do the rest.  Hallelujah!  Pray unceasingly, Children of God.

Arise, shine, for your light has come

And the glory of the Lord rises upon you

See, darkness covers the earth and

Thick darkness is over the peoples

But the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you

Nations will come to your light,

And Kings to the brightness of your dawn

(Isaiah 60:1-3)

 (From SSMC’s Prayer Surfers)

Prayer Surfers given with permission

The AUTHOR

I have always wondered how my brothers and sisters could love God with their heart and soul, especially when He is someone that you cannot see, touch or feel, unlike you and I.  But praise be unto God, for He revealed Himself to me one night as I spent my usual time with Him.  And this is what I would like to share with you.

Recently, I attended a talk on ‘How to develop a relationship with God’ by a Scripture Union speaker.  He gave some good pointers about how to spend time with the Lord.  Through this I realized that I have been doing some things the wrong way.  For instance, not starting my quiet time with just a simple prayer like “Lord, here is my bible, here is the quiet room, here is the quiet time and here am I.  Open my mind, open my eyes, open my heart and speak to me”.  And I tend to forget what I read the night before.

Without hesitation, I put into practice what I’d learned from the seminar.  As usual, I would spend my time with the Lord at 10:00pm.  I flipped to the book of Mark and started reading from the first chapter.  As some of you know, I love reading books.  If I really liked a book, I would stay awake the whole night just to finish the book.  Then, I would fall in love with the author of the book, even though I have never seen the author before.  And this is what exactly happened to me.  As I started reading Mark’s Gospel, I found that it was so interesting that I could not put the book down.  Before the end of chapter two, I could not help but turn to the cover to see who the author of this great book is.  Only then did I realize that the book that I’m reading is the Bible and the author is the Almighty God Himself.  In this moment of quiet time, God revealed to me that He is the Greatest Author of the universe.  It is through the Bible that He reveals Himself to us.  The more you read His word, the more you will know Him as your Lord, Saviour and Friend.  And the more you will fall in love with Him.  I praise the Lord for He has cleared the doubt in my heart, and now I know how to love Him more each day – by reading His word.  Amen!

 

(From June 1996 Family Focus)

Returning to my first love

I had accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour and went through water baptism a couple of years ago and yet I was unfaithful in attending Sunday services. 

But God had plans to draw me back to Him through the Company’s Christian Fellowship (CF) organized by the Christian brothers and sisters.  We gather every Monday for Bible study and sharing and Wednesday for prayer time.  My Christian colleagues always invite me to join them which I sometimes did but, I was still not following the way of Christ.  I continued to do the things that I enjoyed.  The fact was, God did not have the first priority in my life. 

Towards the end of 1994, I participated in my company’s Christmas presentation organized by the CF and one particular song that was sung in the presentation is “The Power of the Cross”, and one of the verses that really inspired me is “and everyday we’re changed into your image more and more, and by the cross we’ve truly been transformed”.  Tears began to fill my eyes and for the first time in my life and after so many years of walking alone, I felt God’s presence and His love for me that was drawing me back to Him. 

From that day onwards, I committed myself to know Him better and I started spending more time in prayer.  Every night I would pray for things that I needed and later I realized that it was very selfish of me.  But, God by His grace granted all my prayers e.g. provided me with a car (Kancil) with a car part, good salary increment and other wonderful blessings. 

My life was smooth sailing until in April 1995 when my mother was admitted to the Hospital with diabetic and high blood pressure and in October 1995 was admitted again due to a stroke which caused her to be paralyzed on the right side of her body. 

During this crisis I took two weeks leave and came back to Ipoh to be with her.  I knelt down and prayed to Jesus every night without fail, asking Jesus to heal my mom. 

While in Ipoh, I attended the Methodist Church in Canning Garden and during one of the worship sessions we sang a song entitled ‘God will make a way, where there seems to be no way’.  I was touched by the words and I know that God was speaking to me.  When we are confined in situation that doesn’t seem to have any way out, God says that He will open a way for us.  He will guide us out, one step at a time, giving us the strength we need and most of all His grace to sustain us. 

He spoke to me through Jeremiah 29:11-14, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me.  When you seek me with all your heart I will be found by you”, declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you”, declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” 

From these verses, I believe that He truly has plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (and He did! Praise the Lord). 

From that moment, I felt peace in my heart because I know that my Master holds the key to my life. 

A long service staff at my Ipoh Branch Office had an optional retirement thus leaving a vacancy to be filled up and so I requested a transfer from my Head Office to the Ipoh Branch and my application was approved.  Praise the Lord.  God made a way.  Although I have to learn everything from scratch but praise be unto God, I was able to handle this new job. 

As Paul said “God’s grace is sufficient for me” and also in Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” when I fully submit myself to Christ and I know no defeat now.  I have settled down in my new job in Ipoh and I am very grateful to the Lord for all that He has planned out and done for me.  The fruit of the Spirit is in me all the time, i.e. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).

May I, together with my brothers and sisters in Christ continue to grow in the Lord, bearing the fruit of the Spirit that all men will know that Jesus is Lord.  Amen.  Hallelujah!

(When you come through the tunnel of testing, you will shine brighter for the Lord).

 

 (From August 1996 Family Focus)

黑暗的尽头就是亮光！

我与老哥及嫂子都要工作，我们俩居住的地方又狭窄，也无能为力聘请佣人来照顾妈妈，让她住进了疗养院，当时告诉妈妈是转去另一间医院，免得她胡思乱想，她也好听话的接受了。

其实也辛苦了老哥与嫂子那半年的时间照顾妈妈，并不是容易的事，老哥每一天跟妈妈打针及倒尿盆，她行动不便。现在可以三个人一起挑起看顾妈妈的担子。

每一天放了工后都一起去看妈妈，跟她谈天，跟她按摩，唱歌给她听以及餵她吃她要我们买的食物。

那时候是人生中最黑暗的时期，朋友全都在吉隆坡，没有人可知我心深处的苦楚，无人分担心事，只有耶稣是我的力量与支持者，每一天晚上都将一切的忧虑交给祂。

怡保公司的女经理有一个星期天带我去在桂和园的浸信会，崇拜完毕，牧师呼召要为有需要的人祷告，我第一个飞了出去，牧师娘为我祷告，我带着神赐的平安回家。

接下来的一个星期，另外一个同事又邀请我去桂和园卫理公会的教会，从今以后我就是这个教会的会友了！

 

神却永远是我心里的磐石，是我的业分。。

诗篇73：26

God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…

Psalm 73:26

转捩点

正在埋头工作，接到一通电话说妈妈进了医院，忙赶回怡保。见到她昏迷不省人事，要做脑部扫描，如晴天霹雳，哭了出来，祈求神不要让死亡那么快把她带走，过了一个星期妈妈出院了，老哥找人给她脚底按摩，她也慢慢康复，能走动自如，我也就放心回吉隆坡工作了。

回到吉隆坡，我每一天都跪在床边祷告，祈求神开一条路让我能够回怡保工作同时也能够陪伴妈妈度过余生，没想到神的回应竟然是令我心碎的事情发生！

半年后，又再接到那心惊肉跳的电话，妈妈再一次因为中风而入院，这一次是非常的严重，使得她半身不遂了。

那一次回怡保后，我就没再回吉隆坡工作了，谅解人的老板也答应让我转去怡保的分公司。两个星期后我再次驾车去吉隆坡交待好所有的工作，将小件的行李全部塞进车子，满满的一车就离开了工作了十多年的首都，倦鸟归巢了！

让我枯渴而死吧！

接着下来的几个星期，其中两位姐妹有来探访我，还教我如何读圣经，那个时候，放工塞车回家已经累得半死，哪里有精力还听她们的长篇大论呢？有几次听见她们的叫门声都躲在家中不敢应门。

后来她们解释说‘撒了种子，必要浇水让它成长’，我告诉她们我是‘仙人掌’不需要水份的，不知道是否我的比喻实在是太好了，从今以后就不再见到她们的踪影了！

让这棵仙人掌自生自灭，枯渴而死算了！

寂寞吞噬着我

有一个圣诞节是一个星期五的下午，同屋的所有同事都回怡保了，只留下我一个人守着空屋子。

中午时分，忽闻叫门声，原来是一群基督徒站铁栅外，邀请我去教堂，还说圣诞节洗礼是最有意思的了。

寂寞推动我上了她们的车，我顺便也拉了一位基督徒男同事跟我一起去，他也好有爱心的跟着我去看看，他坐另一辆车。在车上她们一遍又一遍的喊着‘耶稣基督’，我心中有点后悔及慌张，想跳车又不能，因为被夹在中间。

到了那间教堂，里面的大堂正中有一个洗礼池，她们说如果我觉得不好意思可以用楼上一间间的小房间，我进退两难，如行尸走肉般跟着她们上楼，每一个小房间有一个浴缸，让我换上宽松的袍子，就把我浸下水。可以说我是懵懵懂懂的去，懵懵懂懂的洗礼，也懵懵懂懂的回！

直道今天我与那个男同事也不知道那间教堂叫什么名字？亦不知道在什么地方？也没有任何证件证明我已经洗了礼，好奇怪！

山崩地裂

有好些同事以及表弟都为我祷告，有时我也会跟随他们去教堂，然后去吃午餐。

有一晚做了一个很奇怪的梦，梦中 “昏天暗地，山崩地裂，我拼命的跑，到达一间屋子门口，有一个人递一包苹果给我，打开拿了一个咬下去，里面都是虫来的！心中惊慌，继续跑。。。见到一架直升机停在那儿，就跑上去，飞机起飞了！在空中盘旋，我从上面望下去，好恐怖的景象，地上如地震般全裂开来，许许多多的人都跌了进去，我心中只想着要找妈妈上飞机，回头一看，妈妈坐在我的后面，高兴万分，直升机往远方有如晚霞的地方飞。。。”，醒过来了，但心有余悸！

将此梦告诉表弟，他叫我问他的牧师是什么意思，我只记得那牧师说“那烂苹果就是我，里面的虫也就是我的罪等等。。。。”，心中莫名其妙！！！

心如顽石

混混沌沌的来到吉隆坡工作，公司中有一群基督徒，每逢星期三吃完午餐必在一小会议室中聚集在一起唱歌祷告分享信息，有时被她们拉着加入，既然无所事事，就去打发时间也好，那些崇拜的歌曲非常好听，十分的喜爱！好友贝壳不肖加入，宁愿伏在桌子上假寐。

有一次由一个‘波士’级的人士分享，他谈到如果你的兄弟跟你借钱，不要算他利息，我心中很反感，为什么兄弟借钱要算利息呢？当然不用算利息啦，还要你讲咩，假如那兄弟不是需要钱会开口向你借吗？理应是要帮忙的话就不要期待他还才是！有钱人不知道无钱的人的苦楚！从那时候起就不再加入他们的团契了。

遥远的路 – 成年 （恐惧）

有一个人送一个古董箱子给妈妈，他说是在一个修理车厂见到工人用此箱子来放螺丝钉等等东西，觉得有点可惜，就跟他们要了来送给喜欢收藏乱七八糟东西的妈妈。

妈妈说好美，爱不释手，箱子的外面雕刻着古人的生活如婢女手拿托盘服侍坐在桌子旁的女主人，还有芭蕉树及花草等等，雕刻得非常细致。

整个箱子没有一枚钉子，那箱子四角与锁头都是铜制的。。。我看着此箱子心中发毛，不知道谁曾经拥有过此箱子？

到了晚上，母女俩不知不觉的将整间屋子的灯都亮了，我的房间是对着天井的，而那箱子就放在圆桌的上面。于是我就在靠窗子的书柜上面摆上我的‘准提镜’来辟邪。。

睡到半夜，忽闻天井的摇椅发出咿咿声，又似乎听到有人叹息的声音，全身毛骨悚然，忙用被子往头上盖直到天亮。

第二天早上，母女俩面面相觑，心照不宣，齐声说出昨晚听到的声音，马上将那古董箱子物归原主！原来此箱子是一位租房子的老太婆去世后留下来的！

 

那时候，并不知道圣经内有一句：

因 为 那 在 你 们 里 面 的 ， 比 那 在 世 界 上 的 更 大 。
(约翰 1书 4:4)

遥远的路 – 成年 （寻找）

在树胶厂只工作了一年就辞职了，因为妈妈说有危险性，有时候衣服给硫酸弄到一个小洞。

公公的一个好友介绍我去他的公司做文员。

出来社会工作，与一个叫‘贝壳’的好友时常想发财，我是因为见到妈妈时常为了钱而烦恼，我每个月只给妈妈20块钱。

有一天，一个承包商来到公司，说戴上一个‘准提镜’会保平安与有求必应的，与贝壳也就一人买一个来戴，好像是五块钱一个罢了。

妈妈一个同学的儿子因生骨刺而去西藏找‘塞巴巴’医治，竟医好了，我与贝壳又放一包‘塞巴巴’的粉末与他的玉照在小钱包中避邪，一到出花红与加薪的时候，就念他的咒语，希望能加多一点点的$$$, 妈妈还在后房挂上一幅‘塞巴巴’的爆炸头照片。

那时候可以说是隋波逐流的好笑与幼稚的态度！

遥远的路 – 青少年 （IV） 迷失

剑桥与大马文凭勉强过关，急不及待的要出来找工作赚钱，但无一技之长的我如何去找工作呢？

首先去学打字及簿记，还打的又快又准，簿记那些容易过关的品牌也都读得兴致勃勃，全部高级的文凭都拿到一等。

有了几张‘沙纸’也就开始寻找工作了，许多应征信都一去不回头，后来收到星加坡一间旅游社叫我去面试做导游，心中雀跃不已，因为此工作可免费环游世界，那口出狂言的三舅又泼冷水，说什么导游是变相的妓女等等。。害得妈妈不让我去应征。直到多年后，他自己的女儿成为导游，这叫做自打嘴巴！

21 岁才开始第一份工作，是在大舅工作的树胶公司的树胶厂任实验室助理，月薪才100块。

这个实验室是新建筑好的，我与好友俩有机会被派去首都的‘树胶研究院’受训一个月，受训期间我们本性难移，每晚都去‘蓬恰恰’，又‘肥佬’了考试，但却不后悔，因为玩透首都著名的夜店。

树胶研究院有一个男孩，一有机会就与我分享及给我许多他所信仰的‘巴海教’书籍看，我只是应酬的听听是啥而已，并不相信，总是觉得怪怪的。。。

遥远的路 – 青少年 （III） 愤怒

讲起来也蛮尴尬的，没做功课及没温习的学生成绩会好到哪里去？一考试就开夜车或早起温习。那年考LCE 的时候，七早八早就坐在厨房温习‘Health Science’，那从来口不饶人的三舅那天早起上厕所，见到我在温习，竟冷言冷语的讽刺我说我‘临时抱佛脚’，我心中想临时包也好过没有抱。那年很幸运的让我过了关还拿到甲等，因为英文和华文是不用读的，所以拿到高分数。

透过了一口气后，又开始懒散下来，每天刨妈妈买回来的爱情小说与武侠小说，妈妈非常生气的将所有的书本全部藏起来，我也毫不客气的给她脸色看，她心软又全部拿了出来，真所谓‘慈母多败儿’。

Form 4 考到后面数上来第二名，在回家途中，将成绩单撕破丢进沟渠，妈妈并不知道此事。

有一位花名叫‘近打河’的印度女老师问我是不是家中发生了什么事，成绩一射千丈？

直到Form 5 要考剑桥，才心中恐慌，睡觉时都会将全宇宙的神都叫下来帮助我，连印度神与阿拉都不放过，心中知道天地间一定有一位真神，但并不知道是哪一位？总之会有一位会听见我的求救声的。

但没有一位听到我的求救声，剑桥‘肥佬’了，很惭愧的留级一年，浪费妈妈的金钱与自己的时间，非常愤怒，从那时候起就不再写日记了！

遥远的路 – 青少年 （II） 刺激

阿嫲的眼睛越来越差，不能跟人家做衣服了，于是她将‘家’变成‘麻将馆’，以抽水的方式来增加收入。

妈妈很多时候都会被拉下去凑脚，我们也趁机不用温习功课，到处乱窜，成绩一落千丈！

同班之中有一个道貌岸然的同学，她画的一手好画，但人比较小气及不拘言笑。有一天她竟然邀请我去教堂，我为了避开吵吵闹闹的麻将声，也就答应了，她骑脚踏车来我家然后陪我一起走路去在郑太平路的‘福音堂’。

还依稀记得‘福音堂’里面有一幅对联，写着什么爱。。。什么罪。。。等等。。。那时候也觉得蛮快乐的，因为有福音歌听，又有故事听，虽然不大明白讲的是什么？还有好几个穿着保守的年轻人跟我搭讪。去了几次，其中一个也有陪我走回家，觉得满温馨的，但没有那种刺激的波涛，总觉得死气沉沉，后来放弃去教堂，重新去寻找派对的刺激！

遥远的路 – 青少年 (I) 时髦

十多岁的时候，颈项上挂着一个小小的十字架，左手的无名指也戴只戒子，是时髦也！每一个去派对的女孩子都是如此。怪不得有一次一个舞伴问我是否结了婚？也怪不得直到如今都未披嫁衣，这都是那只戒子惹的祸！那时候过的真是一个不知天高地厚的日子！

遥远的路 – 童年

从小我就喜欢听圣诞夜的报佳音，都是在深夜中，朦胧中还以为自己正在天堂听天使歌唱呢！

妈妈也喜欢用钢琴来弹奏圣诞歌曲，她一开始弹，我就会站在钢琴旁张开喉咙跟着大唱，但妈妈总是说我唱歌走音。。。